This year has been a lot so far, and we’re still in the early months. I thought it might be a good idea to start doing a mental health check to see how I’m doing with processing everything that’s going on.

So, yeah, things are really, really bad in this country. I am terrified, and I have a place of privilege, so I can only imagine how bad it is for others who don’t. I’m also frustrated and angry and exhausted.

With all of this going on, it’s not surprising that I’ve been dealing with issues from my depression. I’m not in a super bad place right now, because I am functional and semi-productive, but everything is really messy, I don’t always eat, and my sleep is pretty jacked up. Mostly because everything plays on a loop in my head when I turn out the lights and lay down.

I wouldn’t say that I am having an suicidal ideation right now, but I am feeling like I’m trapped in a nightmare with no way out. If I had the means to leave the country for somewhere more stable with better policies for women (especially single, childless and over 50), LGBTQIA+, and neurodivergent people (and other marginalized communities, of course, those are just mine specifically). But I don’t, so I can’t. And that is the hardest part for me right now.

Some days are more overwhelming than others, depending on the news that’s coming out of Washington and the news from the resistance. On the days when it gets too much, I have to take a break from social media and just watch The Great British Bake Off.

As far as support is concerned, I talk to my mom about some of it. She is against the current regime, but also of the attitude that she doesn’t want to think about it. I don’t discuss things with my brother or sister-in-law at all. They can’t kick me out of the house (it’s my mom’s), but they do hold the purse strings when it comes to food. Though I have been tempted to ask my brother if he really believes that what is happening is ok. But I’m afraid of his answer.

So yeah, that’s where I am right now, hanging in there with good days and bad, feeling trapped, but maintaining for now.