August started out with a bit of a dip in my mental health after a fairly strong July (all things considered). The issues with my vision are really bothering me. I always thought of myself as an auditory person until my vision started affecting my day to day life, and I realized just how much I depend on my sight for everything I do in my day to day life. From reading, to blogging, to driving, everything hinges on my ability to see, and with that compromised, it leaves me open to depression triggers and to questioning my self-worth.

Add to that, there are some other lingering health issues that are causing me discomfort as well. I don’t feel well and I’m exhausted. I’m stressed. And yeah, all of that kind of snowballed on me a bit. I didn’t eat well, I didn’t sleep well, and I was not motivated to really do anything at all.

Then my brother and sister-in-law decided that they didn’t need me to drive for them, at least for now. So I’ve been feeling pretty worthless and like a burden on everyone because my one contribution is no longer welcome. And going through the job boards every day just makes me feel worse, because there is nothing available that I am qualified for. So, yeah, not a great mental health month at all for me.

I’m doing my best to keep things going and not slip too far into depression, but I’m not sure that it’s working. Two of the biggest indicators for me are when I stop reading and when I stop cleaning (I also stop eating, but that happens for other reasons too sometimes). I did have about a week-ish this month where I didn’t read at all, and I let the recycling and trash pile up without doing anything with it.

But I am reading again, and I have cleaned up the piles, so I’m hopeful that I’m not going to sink further right now.