This has been a challenging month, though I feel like every month this year has been challenging and it only keeps getting worse. There is a piece very deep in my core that just wants off this ride because I don’t currently see any escape from what’s coming, and it’s all scary. But I’m not going down that road right now, because I do still have hope that things will get better… somehow.

Most days I’m angry, and sad. But anger seems to be a strong overriding emotion right now. I’m angry at the destruction of our democracy. I’m angry at the apathy and hatred coming from the people supporting this regime, especially the members of my own family. And I’m angry that no one in power is doing anything to stop what’s happening.

But the sadness is there too. I’m heartbroken at the people being kidnapped and taken to other countries, or just imprisoned because of who they are or where they come from. I am devastated at the people who are dying because they can’t receive the medical care they need, or the advance weather warnings to get to safety. And the people who are losing their jobs and support structures.

I feel so weighed down by all of it. And every day there is something new and more heinous than the day before. It takes so much strength not to break under enormity of it all.

But there are little sparks of hope in there as well. The tiniest of wins that force the oppressors to take a step back, the swell of people standing together.

I’m so very tired and I’m trying to create moments within each day to protect my peace as much as possible, but it doesn’t always work and some days things boil over and I break a little bit. I don’t know how long things are going to continue this way, and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen down the road.