The world is a very scary place right now and I am living in an almost constant state of anxiety. I try to focus on living my life, finding ways to advocate where I feel safe to do so, looking for the positive things to celebrate, but it’s becoming harder and harder to do. I just want to hide away from it all, but I can’t.

I have to go to work each day and face the world. I have to put myself at risk, just by the nature of my job and the area where I live. I have to go to the grocery store and take my mom to medical appointments. And everywhere I go, I have an exit strategy. I constantly ask myself what I need to do to keep myself safe if someone attacks. That’s my current reality.

And maybe I’m paranoid, but I think things are going to get much worse before the get better. Next year’s presidential election terrifies me. And not because I think we’ll lose, but because I’m afraid of the response from the opposing side when we win.

I’m not trying to be an alarmist or stir up drama. This is just where my focus has been over the last several weeks. Weeks that have been full of genocide, mass shootings, white christian nationalism, hatred against marginalized communities. I don’t want to live in a state of fear all the time. But I also don’t want to be complacent either.

I don’t know the answer to all of this. I don’t want my blog filled with my fear and trauma, but I don’t want to just brush it all off either. I will try for a healthy balance between fluffy and serious posts.