For a while now I’ve been considering moving out of the house with mom and into a place of my own. There are so many reasons to go and so many reasons to stay that it’s hard to figure out what the right move is. Do I do what’s best for mom’s physical and mental health or what’s right for my own?

My mom hates to be alone and constantly wants to be around me. I prefer to be alone and almost never get to be. We have very different world views, tastes in food, hobbies, and philosophies in life. I’m a giver, she’s a hoarder of money. I try to find the positive in situations to avoid a negative spiral and have learned that I need to surround myself with positive people to thrive, mom sees the negatives in every situation… especially my situations. I do not feel free to be myself and am not out to my family.

Our relationship is so toxic, but she’s my mom, and I love her. I was also brought up to put family first and I’ve already distanced myself from my extended family, distancing myself from my mom and brother would leave me with no one. I would be completely alone aside from my work team and friends who live in other states.

There are also financial considerations. If I leave, my brother takes on more of the financial burden for my mom. And I will no longer have the discretionary funds to provide extra resources at work or to do a lot of the traveling I want to do. But I would also be able to have my cat actually live with me again, and I miss snuggling with him.

What would you do?