Right at this moment, I have what I need, for the most part. I have food to eat and a roof over my head. I have a job and books to read. I have semi-reliable transportation and clothes to wear. Most of the essentials are met. But if you dig deeper, there are some things that are definitely missing that I need to work on.

So what do I need as you look deeper? Yes, I have a job and am able to afford the bare minimum. But I have old bills in collections that can’t be paid and desperately need new tires (and truth be told, a new vehicle). I have no savings for retirement or emergencies. So money is definitely a need, as is a sense of security, which I don’t have.

With that lack of funds, I am also not able to support causes (and people) I care about financially. My love language is giving and I am passionate about donating to organizations that ethically support causes I am passionate about. I am currently not able to do that, so I feel like I am not living up to my purpose in life, which is to give back.

Looking even deeper is the other thing that is missing. I’ve mentioned it before- connection. I’ve never been good at really connecting with people. I dive in too quickly and way over share. I generally care way more than the other person, who usually sees me as a co-worker, acquaintance, or casual friend. Once something shifts and we aren’t in each other’s immediate life any longer, they fade away. I have no true connections, even with my family where I have always felt “other”. So yeah, connection is probably the biggest thing that I need right now.

And then there’s touch. I don’t know the last time I have been physically touched. I’m pretty sure I got a hug when everything crashed down 10 months ago, but I’m not 100% sure, so it could be a year or more. I mean, I did get handshakes from the board when I interviewed for my job, so that was only 5 months ago. But an affectionate touch? It’s been a while.

Now, I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve left positivity behind so quickly and am already headed back down the road to negativity. That is definitely not the case. I just wanted to get an accurate assessment on where I’m starting from on this healing journey and what I need to become my best self. Now I know that the two things I really need right now are money and connection, so I can focus on finding healthy ways to get those needs met.